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Funny Jokes, messages, chutkule shayari in hindi for whatsapp

1 - ग्राहक: मुझे फ़ोन पे धमकियां मिल रही है|

पुलिस: कोन है वो जो आपको धमकियां दे रहा है|


ग्राहक: टेलीफोन वाले बोलते है की “बिल नहीं भरोगे तो काट देंगे|”
2 - कंप्यूटर एग्जाम में पूछा हुआ प्रश्न,
Program किसे कहते है...???

विवू ने उत्तर देकर दिल जीत लिया... सर "दारू" पीने की ब्यवस्था को प्रोग्राम कहते है...
3 - दुनिया के 90% पुरुषो का सुकून उन महिलायों ने छीना है जिनके नाम के आखिर में “ N , I , A, M , T, P , R , Y आता है| अगर यकीं ना हो तो अपनी पत्नी / गर्लफ्रेंड के नाम सा तसल्ली कर लीजिये |

5 - “मकड़ी भी नहीं फँसती” अपने बनाये जालों में…!!! ;; ;; ;; “जितना आदमी उलझा है” अपने बुने ख़यालों में…!!!

6- चार चीजे इंसान को कभी खुश नहीं रख सकती। कार, मोबाइल, टीवी और बीवी। क्योंकि अक्सर इनके लेटेस्ट मॉडल दूसरों के पास होते है।
7 - टीचर – “ख़ुशी का ठिकाना ना रहा”
इस मुहावरे का क्या मतलब है ? पप्पू – ख़ुशी घर वालों से छिपकर
रोजाना अपने बॉयफ्रेंड से मिलने जाती थी |
एक दिन उसके पापा ने बॉयफ्रेंड के साथ देख लिया
और ख़ुशी को घर से निकाल दिया टीचर ब…
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Happy New Year SMS/Text Messages 2017

First off , I wish all the readers of this blog a very Happy and Prosperous New Year.
As another year is about to close its doors. and once again, time has come to welcome glorious new year 2017. It's time to party with your buddies and to send Happy New Year 2017 SMS/ Text Messages , New year gifts, New Year Quotes and Greeting to your kith and kins.
So here presenting an ultimate collection of Latest Happy New Year 2017 SMS/ Text Messages. Whether you are looking for Hindi New Year SMS 2017, or aspiring for an English New Year SMS or Sweet/Cute Happy new Year Text Messages, you'll find 'em all here.
Oh my Dear, Forget ur Fear, Let all ur Dreams be Clear, Never put Tear, Please Hear, I want to tell one thing in ur Ear Wishing u a very Happy \"NEW YEAR\"!Forget All The Fear.. Drink A Beer..leave The Tear Oh My Dear..happy New Year!!                Happiness keeps U sweet, Trails make U strong, Sorrows keep U human, Failure keeps U humble, Success keeps u glowing …

Independence Day SMS/Text Messages

Here is a collection of some of the Best Independence Day SMS Messages to share your special feelings of joy and patriotism with your friend and families.
Our life is full of Colors … I hope this 14th August will add more colors to your life Happy Independence Day aaj main aap se apne dil ki bat kahna chahta hun
han wohi 3 alfaz jo aap sunna chahen
han wo hi 3 alfaz jo aap k dil ko chulen
***HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY*** !!!==--..__..-=-._;
!!!==--..@..-=-._;
!!!==--..__..-=-._;
!!
!!
!!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.
In ADVANCE ...

SAARE JAHAN SE ACCHA
HINDUSTAN HAMARAthousands laid down there lives so that our
country breath this day... never forget there
sacrifice..Happy Independence day Na zuban se, Na nigahon se, Na dimag se, Na rango se, Na greeting se, Na gift se, Aapko “Jashne Azadi Mubarak” direct dil se Frredom in the Mind,
Faith in the words..
Pride in our Souls..
Lets salute the Nation ..our Inependence Day!
Vande Mataram. we live in a funny nation,
where pizza reaches home faster than
da ambulance or p…

Sardar SMS Jokes - Page 1

Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night." Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE! Once, two Sardars were feeling bored and decided to play a few games of chess to ass the time.
They were doing this for some time, when two more sardar friends
dropped by. Seeing them play chess, they said -
"Come on guys, we are feeling bored too. Let us play doubles!" The Sardarji Doctor to his patient:
"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain." GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh wa…

Hindi Shayari

Bohut ho chuki mohabbat mein meri ruswai,
ya Khuda main wafa kar ke bhi bewafa kehlaya,
Dard kitne hain bata nahi sakta,
Zakhm kitne hain dikha nahi sakta,
Aankhon se samajh sako to samajh lo,
Aansoo gire hain kitne ginwa nahi sakta. Takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Taj Mahal banana chahata hoon lekin
Mumtaz nahi marti Zindagii kii baat sun kar kyaa kahein,
Ek tamannaa thii taqaazaa ban gaii hai.

yeh sard raat, yeh aavaragii, yeh neend kaa bojh,
Hum apaney shehar mein hotey to GHAR gaye hotey.Hum Ruthe To Kiske Bharose,
Kaun Hai Jo Aayega Hume Manane Ke Liye,
Ho Sakta Hai Taras Aa Bhi Jaye Aapko,
Par Dil Kaha Se Laau Aapse Ruth Jane K Liye. Message pe message bhejti ho,
bhej bhej kar bheja kharab karti ho,
bhejti ho to bhi kya bhejti ho,
khud ka bheja to chalata nahi,
dusre ka bheja huaa hi bhejti ho. takdir k khel se kabhi mayus nahi hote ,
zindagi me aise kabhi udas nahi hote,
haato ki lakiro par vishwas mat karna,
takdir to unki bhe hote hai jinke haath nahi hote....... Bechaini…

Sorry SMS/ Text Messages

Tum hasti ho mujhe hasane ke liye
Tum roti ho mujhe rulane ke liye
Tum ek bar rooth kar to dekho
Mar jaoun ga tumhein manane ke liye Appologising doesn't mean that you are wrong and the other is right. It only means that you value the relationship much more than your ego...!!! ROOTH KAR KUCH AUR BHI HASEEN LUGTY HO
BUS YEHI SOCH KAR TUM KO KHAFA RAKHA HAI I'm sorry to be smiling every time you're near. I'm sorry my eyes twinkle whenever you're here. I'm sorry that cupid has made his hit. I'm sorry I love you, I can't help it. What I Did Was Foolish & Impulsive
If I Cud Take It All Back I'd Do This So Instant
I Truly Didn't Mean To Hurt You In Any Way
I'm Sorry For Hurting You The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can find out what makes pig manure smell so bad. You know who I feel sorry for? The woman who applied for this job and got turned down. Bhool se koi bhool hui to
bhool samaj…

Sad SMS

Dard main woh bhi hain,
Dard mein hum bhi.
Woh aasoo Dekha rahen hain,
hum aaso shuka rahen hain.
Farq sirf itna hain ki,
woh zamane ko dikha rahen hain,
aur hum khuda se bhi chupa rahein hain Neend aankhon main nahin, khwaab kho gaye
Tanha hi the, kuch aur tere bin hum ho gaye
Dil kuch tadap utha, zuban bhi ladkhadai
Teri yaad main do aansu chupke se beh gaye ! Kya ghum hai kya khushi maloom nhi
Wo apna hai k ajnabi maloom nhi
Jis k baghair ek pal nhi guzarta
Kaisy guzre gi zindagi maloom nhi... IS SHAAM MERE LAB PAR TERA NAAM NA AAYE,
KHUDA KARE AISI SHAAM NA AAYE....
AYE JAAN-E-SHAHIL YE KABHI MUMKIN HI NAHIN,
MAIN GHAZAL LIKHUN AUR TERA NAAM NA AAYE. AASHIKON KE DIL ME SAMANDAR HOTA HAI,
ISKI HAR BOOND ME ISHQ HOTA HAI,
JAB YE FOOT PADTA HAI AANKHON SE,
TOH ISE ROK PAANAA BADA MUSHKIL HOTA HAI. Jo hukum karta hai woh iltejaa bhi karta hai...
Yeh Aasman bhi jaake kahin pe jhukta hai'
Tu agar bewafa hai to yeh buri khabar bhi sun le..
Mera intezaar koi aur bhi kartaa hai... Jaan…

Islamic SMS

Verily! Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those to whom they are due [surah al-Nisa’; 4:58] "Pay attention to Allah and He will pay attention to you.” “The most beloved of deeds to Allah is the one that is continuous, even if it is little.” “If Allah sends you some provision without you looking forward to it or asking others for it, then take it.” Ab Jo Rota Hy Gham-E-Hussain Main Aansu Bahata Hy
Falak-E-Bareen Tb Kiun Nahi Barsa Jb Khaimen Thay Jall Rahe Hazrat Muhammad PBUH said "tum apni peshani sa us mitti ko saaf na karo jo namaz ma sajda sa lag jai, Jab tak sajda ka nishan peshani par ho, farishte dua karta rahangay. hazrat abu hurerah(R.A) se riwayat hai key hazur (S.A.W) seh pucha gia keh saab seh afzal amal kon sah hai?app (S.A.W) ney irshad farmaya ALLAH our iss keh rasool per iman lana.sawal kia gia keh iss keh baad kon sah aamal (saab seh afzal hai)app(S.A.W) ne irshad farmaya ALLAH key rastey main JIHAD kerna.Pher pocha gia ke iss keh baad…

Sweet SMS

Tujhko dekha bhi nahi,
aur teri Deed karli.
chand tu nazar nahi Aaya,
phir bhi humne Eid karli. aay saath chornay wale jatay hoye ajj itna tu batta ja
kon thay hum kaha thay hum hamey woh sab pata batta ja seemi jatoi Tujhe Kisi Aur Ke Dil Mein Dekh,
Mein Khuda Se Karne Gaya Fariyad,
Kya Karen, Kambakhat Khuda Bhi
Tumhara Chaahane wala Nikla. Kabhi wo samnay aa kar mujhe mila b nahi
Main us se bat kron itna housla b nahi
Wo maagta hai sitaaron ki roshni lekin
Merey pas to mitti ka ik diya b nahi. 7 wonders of the world are:
Bole to
1 apun,
2 apun ka smile,
3 apun ka estayle
4 apun ka face,
5 apun ka nature,
6 apun ka msgs,
7 bole to TUM apun ka friend. Do u know whats the meaning of FAMILY?
F=father
A=and
M=mother
I=i
L=love
Y=you If sumone calls u crazy, dont mind,
If sumone calls u duffer, relax,
Ff sumone calls u stupid be cool,
But if sumone calls u “cute”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Aik Zordar Thappar lagana us ko,
Mazak ki b koi hud hoti hai.I mixed RUM in water and got drunk.
I mixed BRAND…

SMS Jokes Hindi

Chote se dil ke afsane bahut hai,
Zindagi se zyada zakhm bahut hai,
Maar dalti kab ki ye duniya.
Par dosto ki duao mai
Asar Bhut hai Apne dard E DIL ka Hamdard Hame hi Paoge,In tanhayon me saath hame hi paoge,
Door hain tum say to kya huwa,In dooriyon me sabse kareeb hame hi paoge......... Ek ladki ne ek ladke ko aawaz lagai….
O…Bhai Jaan..Please suneye toh zara….
Ladka bola - Oye…Pahle decide kar Bhai ya Jaan…
confuse kyu kar rahi hai… What is the diff. Between dava & daru?
Ans: Dava is like girlfriend that comes with expiry date.
Daru is like WIFE, jitni PURANI hogi UTNA sir CHAD ke bolegi… Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,
Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,
Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon. G/F Ko "I luv U" Bolna Hai Aur Balance Khatm,
Ab Kya Kroge?
Kabutar k Gale Me Bandh k Bhejoge?
NAhi Na!
Mai Batata Hu ,Num Dedo Mai Bol Dunga Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii…

Teacher Jokes

A TEACHER ASKS A STUDENT" NAME 5 MILK PRODUCTS"
HE SAID"BUTTER, CHEESE, GHEE & 2 COWS. Teacher: Brandy tells me something about the people of the 18th century??
Brandy: They are all DEAD Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early! Student 1: (to female teacher) Can you hold on to my wallet for me while we take the exam? There may or may not be money in it.
Teacher: I can't be bought!
Student 2: Yes, but can you be rented for a little while? Teacher :What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old. Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad. Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students Teacher to Student: Kid, your essay on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your b…

Short SMS Jokes

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it. What side of an apple is the left side?
The side that hasn't been eaten. Which candle burns longer, a yellow one or a red one?
Neither. They both burn shorter. Wo khon si cheez hai jis ko agar zameen pe painko to nahi tootti,
lekin agar pani mein painko to toot jati hai.:->

Ans is."ReflEctiOn" Good FRIENDS are hard to find,
harder to leave,
and impossible to forget. PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot
Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin... Ek bandar ka bacha apni maan say:
maa main itna badsurat kyon hoon

maa: beta khuda ka shukar karo aur,
usay dheko jo message pardh raha hai CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this Aa dil.e. Bulbul to kis sa shakh par ja bathi. . . . . . . Na ghar apne na bag apne to kis se dil laga bathi. Full form of MATHS!
Ans : Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students! Man : my …

50th Birthday Sayings

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”- Coco Chanelhe only way to relieve the frustration of being fifty-something is to constantly seek new ways of irritating the young. Fortunately in old age, you develop the ability to do this naturally in every single thing you do or say.Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age. -Victor HugoThe years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. - T. S. Eliot At fifty you’ve accumulated the knowledge and wisdom of half a century. This would be a tremendous asset if only darned senility hadn’t wiped your memory bank.You know you’ve lost all creditability with your children when they start to buy you socks and slippers for your birthday.“I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming… suddenly you find - at the age of 50, say - that a whole new life has opened before you.”“Na…

Cool SMS

Nice people are blessed people,ever friendly, always smiling,forgive easily, hold no grudges and keep no malice. Send this to a nice person.
I just did. YOU
KNOW
WHAT IS
MEANT
BY
----------MOBILE-------
M=meet
O=on
B=busy
I=in
L=life
E=every where
so now lets STAR 5 great people: 1.Quaid, woh to ab rahe nahi 2.Wasim Akram, woh kisi kaam ka nahi, 3.Aishwarya Rai, apni pohanch say bahir. Baqi rahe aap aur hum So keep in Touch.DiL Main Basa Rakha Hai Teri Wafaon Ko,
Aankhon Me Chupa Rakha Hai Teri Adaon Ko,
Iss Jahan Main Kya Doon Tumhe Batao,
Ho Sake To Tohfa Samajh Lena Meri Duaon Ko.. !! Har Roz HAPPY Life Jiya Kijiye,
Mujh Ko 2, 4 SMS Bhi Kiya Kijiye,
Ho Sakay To Roz 1 Kaam Kiya Kijye,
Zyada Nahi Bas Dua Me Yaad Kiya Kijiye.. IT'S TOO HEARD TO LOOSE ONE WHO IS 99% CUT,
98% SWEET,
97% LOVING,
96% TALENTED,
AND
100% FRIENDLY
THAT'S ME
WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE IF U LOOSE ME Bewafa se kabhi pitar nahi hota
Marne k baad intizaar nahi hota
Har kisi se dosti dekh kar karna
Har insaan me…

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his ey…

Funny Life Quotes

Here's a compilation of some Funny Quotes About Life which is bound to give you a hearty laugh. Share 'em with your friends & family and make everyone's day a bit brighter.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? ------Bob MonkhouseYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. ----Chris RockLife is like an onion. Why is life like an onion? Because you peel away layer after layer and when you come to the end you have nothing. -----Yiddish ProverbMy advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a cl…

Flirty Text Messages

Flirty or flirt text messages is a good way to flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here I have collected some of the best Flirty SMS/Text Messages for Txt Flirt. Feel free to forward these messages to your Beloved. If you have some flirt text messages, feel free to submit 'em in the comment section below.
Lotus
Tulip
Orchid
Sunflower
Jasmin
Lilly
All flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,
Kyun K
Gobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.I never thought that you would ever do that everything we had is gone
said you loved me said never leave me maybe you just heard your wrong
cause im damaged, im damaged, don’t know what to do, baby
im damaged so, so damaged because of you. Do u know whats A B C D E F G?
A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
Now reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?
Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again. Deewane Hai Tere Naam Ke Is Baatse Inkar Nahi,
Kaise Kahe Ki Hamein Aapse Pyar Nahi,
Kuch To Kasoor Hai Aapki Nigahonka
Hum Akele …

Anniversary SMS/ Text Messages

Hoping that the love u shared years ago
Is still as strong today as it was
then Bringing u much joy , love
and happiness To celebrate again.
Happy Anniversary Happy Anniversary
and May
your marriage be Blessed with love,
joy And companionship
For all the years of your lives! The most important thing you fixed Was on your day of leisure When you fixed your eyes on me That day I'll always treasure I love you** Happy Anniversary I LOVE U are words just three,which mean so much on our ANNIVERSARY.so this is what i want to say,live in my heart n there 4 ever stay! Marriage is that relation between man and women in which tha Independence is Equal,the Dependence mutual and tha Obligation Reciprocal". Best wishes for Happy Wedding Anniversary. We've had our ups and downs,This we both know,Through it all our love Still managed to grow Different thoughts we had About many things,But our love for each other,Had no attached strings.Happy Anniversary Hoping that the love you shared ye…