Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
chuck norris can count to infinity
At night the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
jesus can walk on water, but chuck norris can swim thru land.
Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Chuck Norris only gives one Xmas present. He allows you to live.
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded with, "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"
when chuck norris speaks in front of a woman she has an orgasm
Chuck Norris came up with the "Big Bang Theory". His round house kick is why we have the solar sytem.
Mr. A once claimed that he's tougher than Chuck Norris. Upon hearing about this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him so hard he flew 19 letters back in the alphabet, becoming Mr. T. Chuck Norris does not pity the fool.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris once punched a man back into a monkey. Therefore proving evolution at the same time.
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