Skip to main content

humorous quotes


  • A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen

  • Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected. ---Unknown

  • There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
    STEVEN WRIGHT

  • The profoundly humorous writers are humorous because they are responsive to the hopeless, uncouth, concatenations of life.- V.S. Pritchett

  • There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
    sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
    -- Woody Allen

  • Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. ----Evan Esar

  • Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.----MarkTwain

  • This pig, is pig, a pig, good pig, way pig, to pig, keep pig, an pig, idiot pig, busy pig, for pig, 20 pig, seconds pig! ... Now read without the word pig.

  • Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers. - Frank King, Winter Olympic Games organizing committee chairman.

  • You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. ---ELLEN DEGENERES

  • A rich man's joke is always funny ---- Thomas Browne, Sr.

  • Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. ----Horace Walpole English novelist

  • A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. – ----Theodore Roosevelt.

  • Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.--- Woody Allen

  • I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.---- Emo Philips

  • A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ---Zsa Zsa Gabor

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Good Night SMS/Text Messages

It's a lovely msg to a lovely person from a lovely friend on a lovely reason at lovely time from a lovely mind in a lovely style to say u good night. somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light someone think in of u some where out there where dreams come true... goodnite & sweet dreams 2 you. On this cold cold nite,in My small small ROOm,i Look At The Brite Brite StArS iN tHe DaRk DaRk sKy & DrEaM of YouR sWeet sWeet SmiLe on ur CuTe CuTe FaCe! GdNiTe! Hai Moon! Dim Your Light...Hello Wind ! Breeze soft..Hai flower! Blossom Slowly..Hello Earth! spin gently..Becoze My Dear friend is going to sleep!...Good Night. A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams... I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite....... At this moment 3.7 Millions are sleeping,2.3 Millions are f

Funny Tagalog Qoutes

Ultimate Collection of Funny Tagalog Qoutes and text messages: Alam mo miss na kita, kaso siya naman miss mo! lam mo mahal kita, kaso siya rin mahal mo! Siya na lang lagi! Kahit nasasaktan ka niya okay lang kasi mahal mo siya! Ang tanga mo no, parang ako! Bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko, sabi ko okay lang, kahit wala ka, kaya ko. sabi ko tigilan mo na ko dahil kaya kong wala ka. sabi ko walang kwenta sa kin ang nangyari sa tin...pero bakit ang sakit sakit ng nararamdaman ng puso kong nangungulila dahil sayo...bakit mahal pa rin kita? Ito na siguro ang pinakahihintay kong araw...masasabi ko na yung bagay na gusto kong mangyari..matagal din akong naghintay..mahirap, pero nakaya ko! Haaay..sa wakas...... hindi na rin kita mahal! Naisip ko, bakit kaya ganun? May inaabot tayong mga bagay na parang perpekto na, pero kahit ano pang gawin, di talaga natin makuha. Tapos, dumating ka... Naiintindihan ko na Iiwan mo ko? Sayang!…mahal pa naman kita…sakin ah! Pero sabagay bat nga naman ako masas

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete. Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square. There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eye