Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely.
The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !Maa ne apni beti se poocha, "How your married life is going on?"
Beti ne sharmate huye kaha,"It was just like the advertisement of British airways"
Jab mother ne advertisement dekhi to woh shock ho gayi : 7 days a week , twice a day , both ways.Santa sardar and banta sardar was talking two each other. Santa sardar asks banta sardar - What is diffrence between
1. Girlfriend
2. Lover
3. Wife
4. Stepny
Banta sardar said that the answer is very very simple
1. Prepaid
2. Lifetime
3. Postpaid
4. CoinboothEk baar ek aadmi ke paas ek haathi hota hai. Wo haathi kuch bhi nahi bolta. Haathi kaa malik pareshan ho jata ki yeh haathi kkuch bolta kyo nahi. Haathi ka malik bahut koshish karta hai par haathi phir nhi kuck mahi bolta.
Ab haathi ka malik ek Competetion rakhta hai ki jo bhi is haathi ke muh se awaaz nikal wayega, use ek lakh rupees ka inaam diya jayega. Bahut log koshish karte hai, par koi bhi haathi ke muh se awaaz nahi nikal wa pata.
Itne me Santa sardar waha pahuch jata hai. Woh haathi ke peeche jata hai, uski pooch uthata hai aur uska land pakad ke jor se daba deta hai aur tab haathi jor se cheekh marta hai. Santa sardar 1 lakh ka inaam leke waha se chal deta hai.
Kuch mahino baad haathi ka malik phir ek pratiyogita rakhta hai ki jo bhi haathi ke muh se ha aur na ki awaaz nikalwayega, use 2 lakh ka inaam diya jayega. Sab log koshish karte hai, par koi bhi haarthi ke meu se ha aur na nahi nikal pata.
Itne me phir se waha santa sardar pahuch jata hai. Wo haathi ke muh ke saamne jata hai aur kehta hai:
Santa sardar : Pehchadayee merte (Did you recognise me)
Haathi : Haaaaaa
Santa Sardar : Waiyaa Pichhe (Should i go your backside)
Haathi : Naaaaaaa
Santa sardar 2 lakh rupees leke chala jata hai.
Ultimate Collection of Funny Tagalog Qoutes and text messages:
Alam mo miss na kita, kaso siya naman miss mo! lam mo mahal kita, kaso siya rin mahal mo! Siya na lang lagi! Kahit nasasaktan ka niya okay lang kasi mahal mo siya! Ang tanga mo no, parang ako! Bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko, sabi ko okay lang, kahit wala ka, kaya ko. sabi ko tigilan mo na ko dahil kaya kong wala ka. sabi ko walang kwenta sa kin ang nangyari sa tin...pero bakit ang sakit sakit ng nararamdaman ng puso kong nangungulila dahil sayo...bakit mahal pa rin kita? Ito na siguro ang pinakahihintay kong araw...masasabi ko na yung bagay na gusto kong mangyari..matagal din akong naghintay..mahirap, pero nakaya ko! Haaay..sa wakas...... hindi na rin kita mahal! Naisip ko, bakit kaya ganun? May inaabot tayong mga bagay na parang perpekto na, pero kahit ano pang gawin, di talaga natin makuha. Tapos, dumating ka... Naiintindihan ko na Iiwan mo ko? Sayang!…mahal pa naman kita…sakin ah! Pero sabagay bat nga naman ako masas...
what?what the heck? i don't get any of these jokes!!! how stupid!
ReplyDeleteawesum jokes...!
ReplyDeletewhat? i dont even get it...
ReplyDeleteits not funny!!!
ReplyDeleteSARDAR & HIS WIFE GOING 2 CITY IN AUTO....
ReplyDeleteDRIVER ADJUSTED MIRROR..
SARDARJI SHOUTED U R SEEING MY WIFE...
GO & SIT BACK I WILL DRIVE THE AUTO...
============================== ==
1 SARDAR PURI LIFE ONLY 1 THING SOCHTE SOCHTE MAR GAYA
KI MERE TO 2 BROTHERS HAI
PHIR MERI SISTER KE 3 BROTHERS KAISE
============================== ============
SARDAR APNI SISTER KE SAATH BIKE PE JA RAHA THA.
BOY: OH! PAAJI GIRLFRIEND K SAATH KAHA JA RAHE HO
SARDAR: OYE ! GIRLFRIEND HOGI TERI MERI TO SISTER HAI.
===============================
1 SARDAR INDIAN FLAG LENE SHOP PAR GAYA.
FLAG DEKHKAR SARDAR KUCH BOLA
JISE SUNKAR SHOPKEEPER PARESHAN HO GAYA..
GUESS WOH KYA BOLA.....
IS MEIN AUR COLOUR DIKHAO
============================== ==========
WHAT IS THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN A SARDAR & A DONKEY
BOTH MOVES TOWARDS THE ROAD TRANSPORT AS THEY GROWN UP
============================== ==========
1ST SARDAR : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
andone is blue with red spots!
2ND SARDAR: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
home.
============================== ==========
SARDAR AAJ MAINE PAANI KO ULLU BANAYA
2ND SARDAR: wo kaise?
1ST SARDAR: aaj maine nahane k liye paani garm kiya aur thande se naha liya.
============================== ===========
Sardarjee to Sunita:
" I want to marry you"Sunita:
But I am one year elder to you.
Sardarjee: No Problem, then I will marry you next year.
============================== ===========
Sardar declares:
.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . .
============================== ===========
SARDAR talking on cell.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
============================== ============
SARDAR- yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya dun ?
2ND- Gold ring de de
1ST- koi badi cheez bata
2ND - M.R.F ka tyre de de. .
============================== ============
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it
& said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
============================== ============
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta's wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity:When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour
============================== ==========
A SARDAR gave an Ad in matrimonial column
"PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying-- 'Meri Le JA. ..
============================== =========
A Sardar sees a beautiful girl . He goes and kises her . The girl shouts and
says
what r u doing.
Sardar says B COM from KHALSA college.
============================== ========
sardar: yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai,
friend: acha wo kaise?
Yar kal me ghar aya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard k sath bethi
thi.!!
============================== ========
Sardar: yaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gai..
mona: tune use pyar se nahi rakha hoga,
sardar: nahi yar sagi behan se bhi badkar rakha tha..
============================== =======
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.
============================== =====
On Jeeto's bday
Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank
manager.
============================== ========
Yamraj took a sardar on tour to hell. There he saw gandhi dancing with
Bipasha.
He asked:gandhi de saza ini mazedar kyon?
yamraj: saza ta Bipasha nu diti hai..
============================== ========
Sardar breaks an egg 2 make an omlet.
He finds d egg empty . . . Gets frustrated &
say's "iski maaki,aaj kal murgian bhi abortion karati hai!
============================== =======
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
============================== ======
how can u identify a sardar in a classroom?
try
try
think....
very simple
just see
who is erasing notes when teacher is erasing blackboard
============================== ============
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
============================== ============
Lect: write a note on Gandhi jayanti..??
So..
santa writes "Gandhi was a great man but maa kasam i dont know who is
Jayanti..
============================== ===========
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up wen he comes.!!..
============================== ===============
Santa:banta yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Banta: oye tenu eh v nhi pata Santa. dear jab auto main koi ganji ladki ja
rahi ho to usse kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI.
============================== ===============
Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
============================== ===============
Banta: you cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to you.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India
Radio!
============================== ==========
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
============================== ==========
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
============================== =========
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
============================== =========
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
============================== =========
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda.
Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
============================== =========
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay
batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
============================== =========
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
_________________
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
ReplyDeleteA few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"
these jokes are so stupid they dont make heads or tails specially those santa and banta one's!! any one got any proper jokes i reckon someone of the age must of wrote those how ....
ReplyDeletea man asked his wife. "what would you do if i won the lotto?" she says,i'd take half and leave ur ass!"GOOD!| won 12 bucks, here's 6 get the FUCK OUT!!
ReplyDeleteA child never seen his hips.
ReplyDeleteOnce his teacher beat him on his butts.
He came back home
& saw his hips on mirror & said
KAMEENI NE DO TUKDE KAR DIYE.
For more funny sms like this, visit Naughty sms
hahahaha :D lmao
ReplyDeleteWhat is the saddest type of dessert?
ReplyDeleteTiraMISSu!!