Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
When the Tooth fairy comes to your house she takes your tooth and gives you money. When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
chuck norris can count to infinity
At night the Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
jesus can walk on water, but chuck norris can swim thru land.
Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
Chuck Norris only gives one Xmas present. He allows you to live.
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded with, "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"
when chuck norris speaks in front of a woman she has an orgasm
Chuck Norris came up with the "Big Bang Theory". His round house kick is why we have the solar sytem.
Mr. A once claimed that he's tougher than Chuck Norris. Upon hearing about this, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him so hard he flew 19 letters back in the alphabet, becoming Mr. T. Chuck Norris does not pity the fool.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris once punched a man back into a monkey. Therefore proving evolution at the same time.
You can also submit Chuch Norris Jokes by leaving your comment below.
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep..He waits
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris Doesnt Sleep..He Waits
ReplyDeleteEven though Chuck Norris doesnt have gills, he can still breathe underwater. s.bair
ReplyDeleteGod is called God. Because Chuck Norris was already taken.
ReplyDeletechuck norris beat the sun at a stareing contest.
ReplyDeleteGod said "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris said "Say Please"
ReplyDeleteu know how giraffes were invented chuck norris uppercutted a horse
ReplyDeletechuck norris is so tuff he fucks nails for fun and makes the nails bleed
ReplyDeletechuck norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle
ReplyDeletechuck norris's sperm landed on an R.V and it turned into optimus prime
ReplyDeleteChuck norris can make miniute rice in 30 seconds
ReplyDeleteWhen chuck noris jumps in the water, chuck noris doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck norrised!!!
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris does not teabag he potato sacks.
ReplyDeletethe great wall of china was invented to keep chuck norris out. it failed MISERABLY
ReplyDeletechuck Norris is so good at kicking people he kicked your face 20 years before you were born
ReplyDeletechuk noris is a hobo
ReplyDeleteThe one thing Chuck Norris can't do is wan't to bring you back alive once he kills you
ReplyDeleteChuck Norrisaurus made the dinosaurs go extinct. ;D
ReplyDeleteM. Eddy
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of his head
ReplyDeletechuck Norris wears mittens when his hands get cold.
ReplyDeleteCHUCK NORRIS
ReplyDeleteThe Only Mistake Chuck Norris Made Is When He THought He Made 1
ReplyDeleteIt took God 7 days to create the universe, little known fact the only reason He rested is He knew it would take 8 to create CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!
ReplyDeleteas made popular by Josh Ramsey
god was called god because chuck norris was already taken.:)
ReplyDeletewhy is chuck norris always on top when he is having sex?
ReplyDeletebecause chukc norris never "fucks up"
chuck norris can slam a revolving door
ReplyDeletewhrn chuck norris does a push up he dosnt push up he pushes the earth down
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris uses the excuse "ive alrdy done all the women" so ppl thin he isnt gay when he fucks guys
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris can roundhouse kick your face from the back of your head
ReplyDeleteAt age 60 Chuck Norris decided to reverse his aging process, he round housed the planet earth and has since been losing age rather than gaining.
ReplyDeletePatched potholes are were Chuck Norris buried his victims
ReplyDeleteAdam and Eve weren't the first people on Earth. Chuck Norris just kept a low profile.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris does not go hunting because hunting implies a chance failure, Chuck Norris goes killing.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris was in all 6 Star War Movies....As the Force.
ReplyDelete-Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasnt built up the courage to tell him yet.
ReplyDelete-Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
-Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; Thats why there are no signs of life.
-Chuck Norris counted to Infinity....Twice.
-Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
-Chuck Norris can win a game of connect 4 in only 3 moves.
-Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After 3 days of pain...the rattle snake died.
-Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies........As the Force.
-Chuck Norris once donated blood to a man, he is now known as Superman.
-Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
-Chuck Norris can describe the taste of water.
-Chuck Norris can run you over with a parked car
-Chuck Norris is so persuasive that he convinced a mirror he wasnt there.
-Chuck Norris doesnt make friends or emenies. Chuck Norris only makes Victims.
-If you have 5$ and Chuck Norris has 5$...Chuck Norris has more than you.
-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open
-There is no "Ctrl" button on Chuck Norris computer...Chuck Norris is always in control.
-Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRHK. (Chuck Norris Round House Kick)
-It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch a 60 minute show.
-The reason new-born babies cry is because they realize they just entered the world of Chuck Norris
chuck norris figured out how to make his dick 10 feet long people figured out and asked him how he did it he said I folded it in half
ReplyDeletechuck norris lost his virginity before his parents did
ReplyDeletechuck norris held his mom's hand as she gave birth to him
ReplyDeleteIn the after life i will beat up chuck norris cause he is not there.
ReplyDeleteBRUCE LEE IS CHUCK NORRIS
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris once went to the Virgin islands after they were just the islands
ReplyDeletechuck norris can graggle peanut butter
ReplyDeletechuck norris dusnt have pubes kuz pubes cnt grow on steel
ReplyDeletechuck norris made justin bieber with his bear. he tried to make a dog instead he made him.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris can drown a fish.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris doesn't hav 2 flush the tolite b/c he scares the sh*t out of it.
ReplyDeleteA japanese guy ate 17 hotdogs in 45 secs. Chuck Norris can eat 45 japs. in 17 secs.
Chuck norris is the only person to beat Stievie Wonder in a staring contest.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris can drink bioling water and pee out 2 ice cubes
When Chuck Norris goes into the water he doesn't get wet... the water gets Chuck Norrised
Chuck Norris can run around the world 3 times and punch himself in the head..... He blcked it.
Chuck norisses daughter lost her virginity chuck Norris found it
ReplyDeletechuck norris doesnt mow his lawn he stands outside and dares it to grow
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris can kill an ant with a magnifying glass... at night!!
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris doesn't Mo his garden he sits back and dares it to grow
ReplyDeletewhen you spell chuck norris wrong on google it doesn't say did you mean chuck norris it says run while you still have the chance
ReplyDeletetsunami occurs when chuck norris pees into the ocean
ReplyDelete"A new study release by NASA reveals, for the first time ever, that space causes cancer. This adds to the growing list of Cancer-Causing Agents, which now totals approximately 99.99% of all known existing and non-existing substances. The only substance proven to not cause cancer is Chuck Norris."
ReplyDeleteAs an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris can make a statue flinch
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris once had a pet fish, they made a movie after the pet fish it was called Jaws
ReplyDeleteBruce Lee aint defeat Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just gave him a mercy before he'll roundhouse kick him
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris is the only one who can punch a Cyclops between the eye.
ReplyDeleteThe earthquake in haiti could have been avioded if chuck norris hadn't gone skydiving.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris never dies because god fears chuck norris
YOU ALL SUCK CHUCK NORRIS'S DICK
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris doesn't swim...water just wants to be around him
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris' fists makes the speed of light wish that it was faster
Superman once went up against Chuck Norris and got turned into Christopher Reeve.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris ejaculated into an Angel and thats how Superman was born!
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris once counted to infinity backwards while preforming heart surgery
ReplyDeleteThere used to be a street called Chuck Norris, but they had to tear it down because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once stred at the sun for hours, the sun blinked.
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris drives a Nova turbo fest as fuck!
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris drives a Nova Turbo at great speed and doesnt care!
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris once pissed in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
ReplyDeleteWhen chuck norris does a pushup he acualy pushed the earth down
ReplyDeletechuck norris is the only guy who made steven seagal bleed
ReplyDelete